I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
