dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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