The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
