sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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