i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
