I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
