from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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