Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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