someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
