The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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