did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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