I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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