never play flip cup with pint glasses
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
