he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
