no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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