my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Say something about gay babies.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
