Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
