I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
