she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
