No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
