I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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