there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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