WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
