Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
