So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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