We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
