Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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