and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
