Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
