I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
