Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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