i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
