Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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