Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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