My cat gives me a boner
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
