And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
