Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
