I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
