I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
