I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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