and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
