best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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