I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
