I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
