how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
