I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
