He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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