I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
