You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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