I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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