So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
