Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
