Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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