Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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