I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
