If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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