How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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