You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
