she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
