I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
