I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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