it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
