I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
