Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want her autograph on my taint
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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