mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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