Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
