We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
