when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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