my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
