So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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