I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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