i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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