The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
