your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
