I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
